the heart knows

I read an “offbeat news” story today that told of a woman whose heart had to be restarted by an internal defibrillator on the week to the day of her father’s death, while standing at the grave of her sister-in-law (who had died at the news of the man’s death.)  You can read it here. 

 

As tragic as that story was, with the occurrence of grief and death, it made a statement that rung in my heart, because I believe it to be true:  "The concept of anniversary reaction is that it is a response to the unconscious sense of time. Just because you aren't thinking that it is exactly seven days later ... a part of your mind ... is thinking that…"

 

It is odd; I can believe it because I’ve found myself turning inward at the first anniversary of our life/ministry change.  It will be a year next week we left our CLB.  It has been a long road to recovery.  Recovering emotionally, spiritually, socially, from the loss of those you trusted, who no longer believe in or support you.  It has been a long year of discovery teaching us that sometimes crisis like we’ve been through has worked a deeper thing in us.  It has led us to rediscover our truest selves and the real callings of our souls.  It has taught us who our friends are, something unfortunately are usually only found in days like these. 

 

But there has been almost unconscious, gradual sadness over what has been lost, as we have neared the anniversary.  But also mixed in with it is peace.  Peace and confidence that we have survived, even more so, we’ve grown.  We didn’t die, we didn’t lose everything, and we didn’t fail.  God has been close, closer sometimes than ever before.  Trust, as I wrote in earlier posts, can be a trying lesson that a friend likened as riding a bike with training wheels on and off.  But learning to trust, in spite of the hardship of it, is a treasure that we will take into the future.  Now our hearts can rest in the fact that there is a future.

 

There is a purpose in the places that God walks us through.  In Isaiah, God says, “I will give you the treasures of darkness and riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel who summons you by name.”  (Isaiah 45:3, NIV)  Cool, treasures and riches!!  But to find them we have to walk the dark places and go through seasons of feeling hidden and unwanted and unknown to find them.  And why does he do this?  So we will know that He is God and that he has called us by our names.  That alone is treasure.  That is also riches untold.  To be known by the Most High, and loved. 

 

The heart knows.