the heart knows

I read an “offbeat news” story today that told of a woman whose heart had to be restarted by an internal defibrillator on the week to the day of her father’s death, while standing at the grave of her sister-in-law (who had died at the news of the man’s death.)  You can read it here. 

 

As tragic as that story was, with the occurrence of grief and death, it made a statement that rung in my heart, because I believe it to be true:  "The concept of anniversary reaction is that it is a response to the unconscious sense of time. Just because you aren't thinking that it is exactly seven days later ... a part of your mind ... is thinking that…"

 

It is odd; I can believe it because I’ve found myself turning inward at the first anniversary of our life/ministry change.  It will be a year next week we left our CLB.  It has been a long road to recovery.  Recovering emotionally, spiritually, socially, from the loss of those you trusted, who no longer believe in or support you.  It has been a long year of discovery teaching us that sometimes crisis like we’ve been through has worked a deeper thing in us.  It has led us to rediscover our truest selves and the real callings of our souls.  It has taught us who our friends are, something unfortunately are usually only found in days like these. 

 

But there has been almost unconscious, gradual sadness over what has been lost, as we have neared the anniversary.  But also mixed in with it is peace.  Peace and confidence that we have survived, even more so, we’ve grown.  We didn’t die, we didn’t lose everything, and we didn’t fail.  God has been close, closer sometimes than ever before.  Trust, as I wrote in earlier posts, can be a trying lesson that a friend likened as riding a bike with training wheels on and off.  But learning to trust, in spite of the hardship of it, is a treasure that we will take into the future.  Now our hearts can rest in the fact that there is a future.

 

There is a purpose in the places that God walks us through.  In Isaiah, God says, “I will give you the treasures of darkness and riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel who summons you by name.”  (Isaiah 45:3, NIV)  Cool, treasures and riches!!  But to find them we have to walk the dark places and go through seasons of feeling hidden and unwanted and unknown to find them.  And why does he do this?  So we will know that He is God and that he has called us by our names.  That alone is treasure.  That is also riches untold.  To be known by the Most High, and loved. 

 

The heart knows.

the difference

There is a difference between trusting God and denying reality.

I know there have been times when I have denied reality about the situations in my life and they did not produce good results. In fact, they were very detrimental to me, sometimes emotionally and spiritually damaging. To deny reality is a trend in the church. People have taught and are being taught that to have faith in God you must ignore the “facts” around your situation and believe the “truth” which comes from God, supposedly that these things are not as they seem. That God’s word says the opposite about your situation, so you need to believe what God says over what your “facts” say.

And there is an element of truth in this, because God sees us at our greatest potential and calls us to see it as well, but to stick our head in the ground and refuse to see the truth of our situations, whether it is regarding our relationships, our finances, our churches, our families, whatever, is not faith, but denial. God never calls us to denial, but to faith. Faith, in the simplest form, is trust that God will do what he says he will do and believes in us even when we don’t feel worthy of that belief. Faith forces us to look at the situations, the problems in our lives, not ignore them. It gives us the ability to face the problems, because we know we’re not alone and that God will not punish us for failure, but like a loving Daddy, he will pick us up, brush us off and help us through the situation.

Sometimes, the only way out is through. I don’t like that statement, but it’s true. But we will be better on the other side. So, faith isn’t a magical potion to change our lives instantly, but to give us an anchor to hold us through the storm, or war. It is the soldier’s faith that what he left at home is worth fighting for that sustains him in the midst of the battle. It is the point at the other end of the field the farmer sets his eye on as he plows his field that gives him the straight line, not looking at the row he’s plowing. It’s faith that gives us the strength to endure the struggle, because the destination is worth the journey.

Hebrews says that because of the joy that Jesus knew he’d receive, having restored us to relationship with God, that he endured the pain of the cross. It was faith that kept him on the cross. His faith didn’t keep him from the cross, but brought him through it. I don’t like that statement either. Sounds too much like dying to me.

Faith isn’t always fun. Sometimes it’s hard. Today my prayer was “God, I believe, but help my doubt.” I believe he hears me when I pray that. I believe he will help me, even though sometimes I doubt. Let’s get real. A lot of times I doubt. But he knows that too. But he still loves me. He still walks with me. Endures all my complaints and fears and worries. Why? I don’t know, but his word says he does and that it’s because he loves me. That is the most important thing I can believe.

Faith doesn’t deny reality, but faces it with trust in God to bring us through. That’s the difference.

spiritual formation

I feel bad it’s been almost a month since I last posted.  My writing has been suffering lately.  Just not been feeling like writing, though I know that it’s something I need to do, almost every day. 

 

In our church lead team we share with each other something we call “spiritual formation” and it is when we share with group something or things we need to do to help us in our walk with God that we want to be held accountable to be doing.  I guess I’ll share my formation with you, and you can check on me and see if I’m doing it okay?  But the key is that you have to pray for me if you are going to hold me accountable!!  (Sneaky way of getting people to pray for you, I know.)

 

I am struggling of late with trust.  I’ve written and I’ve taught about trusting God many times, but it is working in my life right now.  The Bible says that God’s word worked in Joseph until it came to pass.  Well, I feel that word “trust” is trying to be worked into me right now.  I do covet your prayers.  Life has been hard of late, worries about money and sadness over loss of brothers and sisters crop up.  Rain falls on the just and the unjust, it’s just a part of life and Jesus said we’ll have days like this!!  (John 16:33)

 

Good things have happened, as I had a car given to me this past week.  So if anyone is interested in buying a 1985 Mercury Grand Marquis, email me!!  I need to get rid of the old boat.  My new car, a little Suburu, is a standard transmission, so I’ve learned how to drive a standard in this transaction.  I’m learning to like it a lot.  (I like the gas mileage even more!!)

 

So if you’re the praying type, offer a prayer for me when you read this, that I would trust Father God a whole lot more and believe that he will come through for me…as he always has.  He’s never left me forsaken; he’s never failed me, though I screw up all the time.  That’s the definition of love!