blank page

I hate the blank page.  As someone who loves to write, putting words to paper, the idea of wanting to write, but not knowing what to write or how to begin can be depressing.   Today is one of those days.  And normally that's when I just say, forget it, and don't post anything, but I'm forcing myself today, because this is supposed to be a spiritual discipline—to keep up my writing and to practice getting my words out of my head/heart and out where others can benefit from it.  

 

The phrase "blank page" reminds me of the song "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield.  I'm sure you've heard it a thousand times by now, since it is on every commercial nowadays, but here's a sampling of the lyrics:

 

I am unwritten,

Can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning,

 The pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate

The words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

 ["Unwritten" lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]

What a freeing song!  I think that's why I like it so much.  It speaks to those deep, closely kept questions in our heart that we all have:   what will we be?  What will we look like?  How will we be unfolded before others to see?   Will we be unfolded?  We don't want to be exposed, but we do want to be revealed. 

 

"The creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed."   (Romans 8: 19 TNIV)  What is this revelation?  I believe it is when we understand who we really are in Christ and what he has and continues to do in our lives.   I believe it is when the blank page of our lives suddenly begins to have writing on it…when we begin to live in this amazing grace to our fullness.  "Live full lives in the fullness of God!" (paraphrase of Ephesians 3:19)  Am I there yet?  No way, but that's where I want to be, to be reaching for.

 

One of my favorite quotes is one I found through John Eldredge by Saint Iraenus:  "The glory of God is man fully alive."  God receives glory (significance, value, weight, honor) when we, his creation, is fully alive, living out of our purpose and out of our core being.   It is when we pass from just "doing" to "being."  And Gil Bailie wrote: "Do not ask what the world needs.  Ask what makes you come alive and go do that.  Because what the world needs are men who have come alive."   This is the quote on my signature for my email to remind me and all who get my emails that the world needs us to be alive!

 

It is my prayer as I look at the blank pages before me, as many behind me have been written, but more lay ahead, that I would truly live in those pages and not just endure to the end or clock in my time.   And when I look at the blank pages of my church, in its fetal stages, the book barely cracked open and the binding not bent, I pray that the stories and words that fill it will be ones of love and hope and life.  

 

I guess I did have something to say today.

ranting

There is s a commercial on TV lately advertising for an area pastor who broadcasts his Sunday morning services.   The ad shows a clip from his sermon, screaming and flailing his arms around.  That's all fine, if that's what gets it for you, but it was the last statement that got me angry.  

 

"If God won't heal you right now, He'll never heal you." 

 

What the crap?  Where is that in scripture?  What picture does that paint of God?  

 

So if the person in need of help and healing doesn't get it instantaneously, does that mean it's their fault?   That God hasn't deemed them worthy of healing?  Is it because they are not "good enough" or jumped through enough hoops to get healed?

 

Again, what picture does that paint of God…of grace?

 

I keep coming back to these thoughts about how I've been taught about God.  I can't seem to shake it.   For so many years I've been taught by men and women of God that I have to do, be, give, walk, pray, think, confess, feel a certain way or God would not be on my side, not be available to me.  Essentially, God is watching and waiting for me to go through the obstacle course to get to him and get what I need from him, and if I screw it up, "back to the beginning…start all over!"  

 

I know I've written about this before, and you're probably getting sick of it, but I have to talk about it, I have to wrestle with this.   This is for my survival; this is for my detox from religion. 

 

The writer of Hebrews wrote that because of the sacrifice of Jesus, because of his resurrecting from the dead, we can now "come BOLDLY to the throne of grace."   This doesn't sound like jumping through hoops and clearing moralistic hurdles to prove my worthiness…my worthiness was settled in the cross. 

 

This doesn't mean I don't think we should be intentional about our walk with God and desire to grow through spiritual disciplines.   But our status with God, our relationship with God is not based upon what I offer or don't offer him.  I cannot accomplish what Jesus has already done for me.   No amount of performance can make me look better in his eyes. 

 

I remember a friend I had in Bible College my freshman year wrote in my yearbook, remember, God can't love you more today than he did yesterday and he will not love you any less or more tomorrow.   His love is constant toward you.  I can't influence his level of love for me.  He loves.   He is love.  I just have to dwell in it, rest in it, trust it, enjoy it.

 

Those who commit to this legalistic, performance view of following God must be most miserable, especially those who teach it and promote it, because this thought and ideology is never full, never enough.   Rob Bell used the altar to the angry gods idea to illustrate this.  (See my post on Rob's tour.)  There is always more that has to be given and sacrificed because we have to stay in good so that the blessing remains on our lives.   I think this is why some of have had some extravagant failures before the whole world.  The pressure to keep up the game, to work so hard to prove your good enough, worthy enough, in good with God enough, opens a door for exhaustion and temptation that belies a hypocrisy hidden in their heart:   it doesn't work this way!  It can't. 

 

I think this is one reason why those who pastor/preach this way continue to demand more and more of their followers, because they have to keep the machine going, otherwise they might find out who's "behind the curtain."   It becomes this vicious cycle that only continues until someone either jumps out or the curtain comes crashing down and everyone discovers that it doesn't work!

 

I believe there is a new day coming to the church.  It is a day of awakening that our spiritual duties we've put so much stock in, though good on it's own, face value sort of way, doesn't qualify as proof of our status with God or grant us special favor from him.   No, it is by grace that we're saved, and by grace that we live, and by grace we are kept.

Santa vs Jesus MAC Commercial

This is a great video done by friends of mine at the church we attend. Hope you enjoy it.

support

A while back I told someone that I see myself filling a support role in almost everything I do.  When I look back at my life and the jobs that I've had, the ministries I've been in, I always seem to be in a support role, helping other people fulfill what they have to do.   Even now, as an "administrative assistant," I find myself "assisting" other people get their projects and other assignments done. 

 

I was kind of pondering this one day, wondering how this role I seem to play all the time either work or have to change as I take on the pastor hat again.   For years, I learned either by implication or by actual messages, that the leader takes the front and everyone follows.  (Typical CLB teaching.)   And honestly I would get frustrated about that sometimes, as I don't always feel comfortable with the leader role.  Even though I was a full-time pastor for eleven years, and even led groups as the primary pastor/leader, I always saw myself as the supporter of our senior pastor and his vision.   (This is actually what got me "in trouble" in the end, as I was accused of supporting the wrong person.  To this day, God has yet to tell me I was wrong.)

 

My pondering led to me to this thought, a shepherd is one who supports the sheep.  Yes, he leads them, but it's his loving support that endears them to him and makes them trust him.   It's not about his great communication skills or strategic planning that causes them to follow, but his support and love.  They know that their shepherd lives with them and will be there for them.   He supports them, with love and wisdom and guidance. 

 

Maybe this is why I play a support role in life.  I enjoy helping other people find their place in life and in faith.   I love watching them connect with God in a new and exciting way.  I love to bring a new way of looking at God's word to them that they "get it."

 

Maybe this is why the CEO model of ministry and pastoring/church is failing and people are rejecting it.  CEO doesn't look out for the people under him, but only for the bottom line and the expansion of the business.  But a pastor can come up underneath someone and help them, support them, cheer them on to their destinies, and in the long run fulfill their own.  

 

I guess I'm okay with my support role, though now it's becoming a bit more complex.  At least I know I'm used to it!    

glory

Glory to God in the highest…

 

We sing that phrase a lot this time of year in all kinds of Christmas carols.  I always think about all the people who have no real relationship to Christ or the church, but every year as they walk through their malls or at home while decorating their Christmas trees, sing these words and others like them.   I wonder how much of these words get into their heart.  How many of them realize that at that moment, they are offering praise to a God that they have not yet met, but loves them more than they can imagine.

 

Makes me think that God had this planned from the beginning…because if God's word cannot come back to him void, and many are singing the very words sometimes that comes from scripture, is there something happening they don't know or can't see?   Is God right there with them…ministering life to them?  Is he lifting burdens they've never asked to have lifted?   Is he 'wooing' them with his love, stirring their heart to know this God? 

 

The word glory is often defined from the original languages of scripture as "weight" or "significance."  Could it be that instead of this glowing light we imagine glory to be that rests on saint's heads, that glory is really the weight of who he is?  The value you place on someone in your life adds to their weight.   We say "we give weight to their words."  We place value on their spot in our lives.  We give them glory.  

 

The scripture says that the whole earth is filled with the glory of God.  And for years I thought that meant there would be a tangible presence of God in every place on earth.   But maybe what it really means is that the significance and relevance of God is displayed in every corner of the globe? 

 

If glory is the weight or value or significance that we place on God, then glory isn't just something that comes with God, but it's something that we offer God; something that we give out of our very beings.   The more we do it, the more we see him in our day to day life.  The more we see him, the more tangible his presence comes to our mind and hearts.   The more tangible he is in our lives, the more others can experience him…his glory covers the earth.

 

What do you and I give significance to?  What value do we place on God's position in our lives?   Where do we offer him glory?  When we do we participate in the filling of the earth with all that he is.  Give him glory!