winning friends and influencing others

I remain convinced that what we win people with, we win them to.

 

I got this quote from Bob Hyatt's blog and it's not left my mind all day.

 

What do we win people with?  As we look at what the church is and can become, it's important that we look at this statement and weigh what it is that we win them with and to.

 

First of all, know that I don't think souls are to be pawns for a great cosmic game.  But that's not what Bob is referring to.  He was talking about how we present ourselves to the world, especially special days and events like Easter, and how we sometimes over compensate on these days and people who enter our communities believe that this is what it's like all the time.  Surprise!  But let me take it one step further than just programs and presentations…

 

So it's important that what we present to the world/community/friends around us is what we are willing to be all the time.  I think this is the benefit of true authentic community.  If you are a loud, friendly group, don't get serious and solemn when you invite new people to experience your worship.  Be yourself.  But on the same note, if you are more serious, contemplative worshippers, don't make yourself something you're not, just to get someone to notice you. 

 

It's important that people see us for what/who we really are.  It took me 13 years to discover some of the leaders I had placed trust in all those years were not who they had portrayed themselves to be.  It is easy to allow spirituality to cover your flaws and project them onto others so you don't have to change, especially in leadership.

 

The sad thing is that what we win people with, even our character deception, will be what people are won to.  They will take on those characteristics.  They will follow in our footsteps.  It is so very important that we look at how we live, how we worship, how relate.  Is this what we want to reproduce after ourselves?  The physical reality that we reproduce after our own kind is nothing compared to what we reproduce spiritually. 

 

Do I want disciples of me or of Christ?  Paul said to follow him…like he followed Christ.  He understood that people would follow him, so he kept their eyes on Christ and not himself.  Do I point others to the One I'm following?  I cannot, and refuse, to become the object of one's following.  But I desire to present those who would walk with me to the Master of us all. 

 

I can't take people where I'm not willing to go, that I know.  But that's also scary.  It takes willingness in me to go beyond my limits, my weaknesses and into God's grace and God's strength. 

 

God teach us how to have balance in leading and walking with, guiding and learning with, being the example and learning from.

ramblings and revelations

I've been thinking a lot lately about who I've become after leaving the CLB and the change in my vocation.  I think it's perpetuated as I'm beginning this new journey with our church plant, renovate.  I must admit there are days that I ask myself, why do I do this?  Why would I embark on this journey once again?  But then as a pastoral friend told me a few months ago, "if it's in you, it's in you."  And I know that church work is in me.  It's part of who I am. 

 

Some days it feels as if we've been gone from the past ministry for decades and others it feels like a couple of days.  Why?  Why must I continue to feel the pain of the loss of friends and ministry when I now am surrounded by these new experiences, friends and great new ministry opportunities?  Does it mean that the grieving process really isn't over yet or does it just mean I really haven't forgiven and released the people who hurt us so badly?  (Former Leader wrote a great post about the loss of friends…check it out to the right.)

 

The other day, Joanne and I talked about how "they" probably don't even care or think of us anymore, yet I find myself struggling with "them" more than once in a while.  I want to move on.  I have to let go of the past and move forward.  I definitely don't want the past to linger into the future, I don't want it to taint who I am and what I do, but what if this event in my life has imprinted me to the point of changing who I am?

 

Scratch that…it has changed who I am and what I believe.  I can't go back to the previous way of life, way of ministry, way of thinking.  Nor do I want to.  But some days, what was done or known before is more comfortable than taking on the unknown future.  But maybe that's the issue…compared to the unknown, foggy future, it's easier to look back and dwell, compare and wrestle, rather than step out of the boat onto stormy seas of opportunity and risk. 

 

Maybe this is why I hold onto the past wounds and worries rather than move tentatively at best, because it's comfortable.  Even abuse can become comfortable if it's something I know and expect.  So maybe this season is really about breaking the cycle.  Walking away from the past.  Letting it die.  Easter is the season of resurrection, maybe I've been dying a bit this year, dying to the past to give new life to the future. 

 

I remember something God showed me when we began to look at starting a new ministry:  the previous ministry was a seed that had to go into the ground and die to allow this one to come to new life and grow. 

 

The scripture he gave us for our new church seems to make even more sense in this light: "You'll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You'll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again."  (Isaiah 58:12, The Message, italics mine)

 

God, give me grace to let my past die.

 

mark of discipleship

It was a success!!  We had our first special event as renovate, a baby dedication/worship gathering last weekend.  We had about 40 people there who came to celebrate with our friends, as they committed themselves and their baby to the grace of God.  It was a very special evening.  (You can read about it at The Speakman Family in the links to the right.)

 

We are looking forward to the future as we will plan other events and worship gatherings as teasers of things to come.  These event/worship gatherings will give our lead team a time to practice and flesh out what it is that we feel God has called us to do and to be as a church and the flow of what our ministry times should be like. 

 

As a lead team, our group is beginning to work through the essentials of team building and what it looks like to work as a team in community, not just to come together and get something done, but to really live and support one another in life as well as in ministry.  It is our desire to build a community of leaders upon which our community of faith can grow. 

 

So many church plants, at least ones I've been around in the past, started with a dynamic speaker/pastor/apostle and maybe a few followers committed to starting a work, renting a building and putting out a sign saying "we're a church, come and find God."  Not that I'm saying that's all they do, because most have rigorous evangelism tactics and outreaches, but the thrust of the church start is based on having a building, holding services, and promotion. 

 

The way we're approaching this ministry is that we have found life and grace and support in the community of friends that we've built over the last few years and we want build upon that community.  (Some of our friends have been friends for 14 years!)  We believe that people are not looking for something to believe in as much as they are looking to belong to something.  It is when they first belong to something (have that connection of belonging to a group or community) they will begin to believe what they've experienced. 

 

Our postmodern culture says, 'let me experience it, then I'll believe it.'  As much as our tradition mindsets, rooted in the modern movement of Christianity, would condemn such statements, I believe it is something that Christ understood when he taught the disciples: "They will know you are my disciples, by your love for one another." 

 

Surprising note, at least to me, is that Jesus didn't say, "by your love for the unchurched ones."  (Not that we should love everyone, please understand.)  He was talking specifically to the premise that people would be attracted by their community, by their relationship with one another.  This would be the sign of their discipleship, of true Christianity.

 

It isn't the flash of our ministry that will draw people.  It will not be how slick our promotions and our promises.  I admit those things will draw a crowd, but only really draw more consumer-like followers waiting for the next flash and promise.  But Jesus was telling the disciples: if you learn to live out the principles of love, agape unconditional love, within your community of like faith…outsiders will see and know you are truly my disciples. 

 

This is what the heart longs for, a fellowship that is deeper than coffee after Sunday service.  To be loved and known by other people who care about your life and what is happening to you is real community.  So this is what we desire to become.  But it's not an easy process.  Even when you've known people for years, it's hard sometimes to become vulnerable. 

 

As a leader/pastor/whatever my job, it can be hard to step outside of people's perspectives of me and let them see me for who I am, warts and all.  But if I don't, and if our team can't, how will our community of faith ever have an authenticity which will envelope those looking for faith and love and grace?

 

My prayer is that renovate will bear the true marks of a discipled, authentic community of faith.